Introduction to Home Economics, for Business Majors

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PROGRAM

Introduction to home economics

“I’ll tell you what: I’ll never eat at Benihana again, I don’t care about the anniversary.”

– Jordan Belfort, “The Wolf of Wall Street”

Course objective:

This is a quick introductory course in the field of home economics. I expect most of you to fail. My expectations are high and the success rate is low. As you all know, only A-lists deserve to be business majors. If you want to enter an elite, intelligent and hardworking class, you will have to prove that you are up to the task. There will come a time when you will be so exhausted from putting all your effort into achieving your dream of becoming an expensive NFT owner that you will want to quit. Take inspiration from the successful ones before you, like Boss Baby. As I like to say, and feel free to quote me on this: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, -Wayne Gretzky, Michael Scott.”

Note: AP credit is not accepted (only losers will understand).

To note: Don’t ask me about the zoom. We die like men.

Course schedule

Week 1: Cooking – Students will learn how to crack an egg and use an oven.

Week 2: Laundry – Students will learn how to remove lint from the dryer.

Week 3: Children – Students will keep a training baby safe for a week.

Week 4: Sewing – Students will tie a knot.

The rest of the weeks will be a guided discussion of the film “The Wolf of Wall Street”.

Required texts:

“Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert

“Little House on the Prairie” by Laura Ingalls Wilder

“How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” by Michelle Alexander and Jeannie Long

Invited speakers:

Ina’s Garden

Marie Kondo

Oprah

Working hours: Saturdays at 3am (grind time)

TA: His name is Robert or Frederick, or something stuck. I’ve never met this man in my life, and he can’t and won’t help you.

Academic Honesty Policy:

I respect the rules of academic honesty of the college, no cheating in exams. However, if you must commit an act of sabotage, let me think about it. Wait… just let me think about it. Say, for example, your best friend left his “workout baby” outside. If you toss it quietly on the street and a car runs over it, it’s debatable whether or not it was your fault. You know what? Sabotaging others gives you a lot of skills for business and the real world. For example, in the movie “The Social Network” our hero Mark Zuckerberg dilutes the shares of his best friend and becomes the world’s youngest billionaire. All of this goes to show that you’ll never get along by being nice. Good guys finish last.

Rating system :

If you come complain to me about wanting a grade increase because you’re at 0.00001%, I’ll kick you in the face and lower your grade by 20%. You won’t even be able to save the rank drop because you would have been kicked very hard in the face. I practice my kicks every day. “I want you to solve your problems by getting rich.” – “The wolf of Wall Street”.

Additional Credit Policy:

There is a situation where you can earn extra credit. In 2009, I lost my son at Six Flags. If you find him, I’ll give you a 5% raise. If his mother comes with him, you will fail the course.

Behaviors causing automatic failure:

Mention the word “girlboss”.

Quotes from former students:

“Failed this course because I forgot to take the pans out of the oven before preheating them.” -Jeff Bezos.

“This course is the reason I dropped out of Harvard.” – Bill Gates.

“Because of this course, I ended up moving to an easier path.” –Anthony Fauci.

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